Two reasons why everyone needs to watch the movie 'Piku'.

It's been ages since I have proactively wanted to watch a Bollywood movie. Because lets face it, why in the hell would I want to pay to watch something that dumbs my brain down? I can do that at my home, sitting in front of the idiot box watching any Saas Bahu series (which by the way I hate) and get more senseless masala than any bollywood movie could show, without even paying. Who then could blame me for being a little surprised about the rave reviews that Piku has been generating ever since its release. Based on the reviews, I apprehensively decided to watch the movie and am so glad that I did! It's high time that Bollywood finally made a movie that made sense to everyone, that did not involve item numbers, scintillating skin show without a proper story and absurd comedy that no one laughs at. What a well written, well acted and well shot movie! Hats off to Shoojit Sarkar for conceptualizing such a story and bringing it to life.

Talking about bringing the story to life, for me, the person who steals the show is ofcourse Amitabh Bacchan, but then you tend to expect it of him after so many years of experience and thankfully he hasn't disappointed. His rendition of an aging yet modern intellectual Bengali father has been spot on. Deepika and Irfan khan do not disappoint either, Deepika plays an independent Bengali daughter, comfortable in her own skin and not afraid to speak her mind, which is how most Bengalis I know are. While Irfan Khan plays the owner of a cab agency which rents cabs to Deepika's agency and that's how the whole story is connected.

What I liked about the movie is how the movie talks on issues like women empowerment without really being feminist or preaching. Honestly am sure most of us women who are 25 and above, including me, face the 'marriage' problem at home. However accomplished we are, whether we are senior managers, entrepreneurs or CEO's and even if we are earning well and supporting ourselves comfortably, for our parents we are not accomplished till we bag ourselves a successful, rich and 'khandaani' husband. And by 'bag' I mean through arranged marriage, not through love marriage. That's the final goal for many parents! And it's not just for us women. Men face this problem too, albiet a bit late. So they get 5-6 years more than us to bag a 'sundar, sushil and gharelu' wife and again through arranged marriage. Woe begone if you choose to find a wife/ husband for yourself and rob them of their right and only chance (if you are the only son/daughter) of finding a wife/ husband for you. Am sure, there must be many progressive families where this is not the case and love marriage and marrying late isn't frowned upon, but sadly my family isn't one of them.

And for all such families (including my own), I suggest that they watch Piku. Rather than showing the usual Bollywood drama, what the movie instead does is, it portrays the story of a typical yet progressive Indian family going about their day to day lives. Generally, in a typical Indian family, after the mother's death, any father's goal in life would be to see his daughter accomplished and settled with a good husband and kids. But in this movie, the father is hell bent on not letting his daughter marry, so much so that he goes on to foil his daughter's attempts to date by telling the guy who's hitting on her about her previous physical relationships. Which again is a nice surprise as any talk about physical relationships in a typical Indian family is generally frowned upon and suppressed. The reason for the father's attempts to foil his daughter's dating attempts are even more surprising - because he doesn't want his daughter to marry at all! This is the first time am seeing any parent want such a thing for his child. However, the reason for the father's actions are quite noble, it's because he believes that generally marriage brings women down, that it doesn't allow women to progress and it doesn't let woman to reach their full potential. This is mostly because women become dependent on their husbands, they allow themselves to be domesticated and do not think about their careers. He further goes on to cite lives of Rani Lakshmibai, Annie Besant etc as examples of how women should explore their full potential in life. Wonderful thoughts indeed! So when we have someone like Amitabh Bacchan propagating to the general audience that women should not let others bring them down and they have equal if not more potential and rights than their husbands, it strikes the bulls eye in people's minds. It sets an example for every parent on parenting. Further it does not take sides or belittle men.

The second thing that the movie does is, it portrays the nuances of a father daughter relationship in a dysfunctional family rather beautifully. The frustrations faced by Piku because of her father's antics in trying to get her attention, the psychology behind Piku's father's various made-up maladies, their love for each other and the protectiveness they feel towards each other in spite of everything has been beautifully shown. Again the movie stresses on the social issue of children abandoning their parents when they get old by showing how Piku puts her father's care before her marriage, how she says that it doesn't matter if her caring for her father for the next 10-20 years more means that she is going to remain a spinster. She stands by her decision of not marrying by stating that if she is to marry, her husband will just have to accept the fact that her father is going to live with them, even if he's difficult to live with. Such thinking amongst children is rare nowadays. Today, people are so busy in their career and their own nuclear family life that they tend to ignore their old parents who they forget have cared for them and are partly the reason for their success.

At the danger of sounding preachy, these two reasons are exactly why everyone should watch the movie. The movie has a little something for everyone to take away. And by showing real life instances which happen in every family in a humorous way, the movie does not even preach! As such, every parent and every child should watch this movie and take inspiration from Piku and her father and hopefully change their mindset and thinking about marriage and about caring for their old parents. Also here's hoping that this trend of intellectual movies in Bollywood continues and we get to see more such movies rather than the usual song and dance sequences that we have been used to and are now bored of.

Why I suck at the Art of Intimacy

Generally, am not scared of most things. I am not scared of darkness, water or animals. Am definitely not scared of dogs. Cute beings, them. I am not scared of closed spaces, blood or dentists. Am not even scared of being operated upon (I think. I'll cross that line when it comes to it). Am not scared of ghosts or otherworldly demons. Yeah horror movies do freak me out sometimes, but that's mostly cos of the sound effects. Mute the damn thing and you'll see me laughing at all the gore. Once upon a time, I thought I was scared of heights, but then I bungee jumped from 764 feet from the Macau tower and whoooosh..I realized I was never scared. But dear friends, let me tell you, there are 4 things am really scared about. Like really, really scared about. Without further ado...they are (drumroll please):

1) Fire
2) Flying and crawling insects and animals
3) Hugging(or any form of intimacy)

      Dear readers, this post, as you may all have guessed by now, is about my fear of hugging. More likely the fear of hugging people whom I don't know well and then the fear of hugging people I know well for the first time. So how did I get this irrational fear of hugging? Am sure you all must be waiting for a juicy story about how in my childhood I was scarred for life because I was subjected to some sort of abuse and hence I have this fear of hugging people and being hugged by people. Well to be frank, that's as far from the truth as can be. I had a very loving childhood, with no untoward incidents, and yes it has shaped my personality into what it is today except for the hugging part. This fear of hugging on the other hand may be due to the fact that I am a half introvert & a half extrovert. Yes that's a thing. I checked online. Like this post says http://www.fluentin3months.com/stop-being-shy/ we are called ambiverts.

Oh yeah!

I am one of those confused beings who can party really hard, talk to as many people I want to, when I want to, be the life of a party without trying much and yet feel shy while talking to some people at particular times, feel depressed that no one on earth cares about me (when actually that's not really true) and then sometimes go to the extreme of avoiding people when I don't feeling like socializing. So without digressing further, I think my fear of hugging partly stems from this. But again let me say that all this is speculation. In no way am I a certified and trained psychologist.

      From a young age, being an ambivert I had very few but really good friends. And then because till my engineering days I was a goody two shoes, I rarely socialized and hence I didn't encounter much hugging. In any case this hugging thing became a trend only towards the middle of my teens (Screw you Munnabhai MBBS and your Jaadu ki Jhapi!).

By which time I was already stunted by my inadequacy in the vast knowledge of hugging. I mean really, how do you know whether to go towards the right or the left when the person is coming towards you? God forbid in your moment of indecision you end up bumping your faces together! And unlike the movies wherein when such disasters happen, people who bump their faces together by mistake end up kissing each other, am sure, such bullshit never happens in real life. In real life, a disaster is a disaster. When you bump faces, it hurts and all you can do is be embarrassed and run away from each other as soon as you can. I know this cos I have done it. And for your entertainment, let me regale you with the embarrassing story of how I bumped my face into my good friend's face when we were about to hug.

      So it all happened on the day of my engineering 'unofficial' farewell. We had all decided to go for a movie and dinner and then part ways towards our respective destiny. When we were parting ways I suddenly became quite emotional, and apparently so did my good friend. And since we were a few feet apart we came running towards each other a la any Bollywood scene where the hero and heroine run towards each other on a vast sunflower field. Except here there was no hero, only two heroines, we were only a few feet apart and it was outside the restaurant. But I did cry out 'XYZ I am going to miss you' just like in the movies, right before I bumped into her. And what a bump it was! Almost equivalent to the roar of thunder!

Just kidding, this is real life, not a Saas bahu series. There was no noise except for both of us saying oww! at the same time out of pain. No one would have even noticed it if it hadn't been for 3 of my extra smart friends who had it in for me right from the beginning. They were the ones who pointed out at us and started laughing. Next thing I know, everyone from my 15 member group was laughing at us and I had to make a quick bathroom excuse to escape.

      So you see, am truly in-adept at hugging. And this is not a one-off incident. Very recently, I helped one of my friends wear a sari for a function. Since it was an emergency the girl was really thankful and wanted to hug me at the end of it. So we both turned towards each other to hug, except neither of us could figure out which side to go, and we ended up bumping against each other not once, not twice, but thrice. Yeah am that bad at hugging! Incidents like these is what have fueled my irrational fear of hugging. Nowadays, whenever a person tries to hug me, I slyly turn so that my side is perpendicular to their face, indicating that I don't want to hug. The only option the person then has is to pat me on my back as I pull away happily. If ever there was a course to learn the art of hugging, I'd be the first customer (just kidding, am really broke. So if there is a course don't give me a call, I'll manage). Finally, all I can say is I hope I am not the only one with this inadequacy and there are others like me. If not, aah well, you guys can always pat me on my back as I turn to say goodbye!

Saying Goodbye

My best friend and childhood buddy, Mallika Kapur passed away on 9th October 2013. She was involved in a terrible bike accident on 17th September 2013, and struggled for her life in the ICU for 21 days. She was believed to have been recovering when her sudden demise happened and it came as a shock to all of us who were close to her. The below blog post is the series of events that I experienced after her sad demise and also a tribute to her and our memories together. May her soul rest in peace. She will always be remembered. Hope you have found a better and happier place Mallika. You struggled for a long time and didn't deserve any of this. I love you, and will love you always. Rest in peace sweetheart. My life will never be the same without you.

Its hard when a person you know passes away. Even if he/ she was just an acquaintance. It's harder when your pet dies. But when your best friend, your childhood buddy, your secret keeper passes away, what then? Its damn hard, and there's no words to describe the feeling.

First the shock sets in. You can't think of anything and your mind is blank. Then the tears start pouring down. You cry your heart out, till there's no tears left. Then you cry some more. Every thought is filled with her memory. The first time you saw her, and smiled. The first time she came and said hi and you reciprocated.Your first game, how you used to play house, barbie, bingo and housie, which then progressed on to truth & dare & taboo. Your first bicycle ride together, the time when you scraped your knees after a fall, and she helped you clean it gently, saying its okay, while you cried. The time when you were bullied and she stood up for you. Sharing your secrets about your crushes together, discovering fashion together. The way she taught you to be confident and bold in life, and to have a positive attitude. The way she always managed to know whenever you were upset and managed to make you feel better always. The way she took your side when you had fights with other friends. Every birthday, every Diwali, every Ganesh Chaturthi, every Navratri, every Holi and every other festival spent together. The night outs, the pajama parties, doing time pass at your usual hangout, watching movies together, being together when others ditched you and you had no company, crying yourself out on her shoulder after every misfortune, abusing the person who hurt you the most, together. Spending evenings together over a cup of coffee, gossiping about everyone, cos' you have nothing better to do. Every thought, every memory, every photo of you together or just her causes pain. More tears.

All you can think of is, why did it have to happen to her? She didn't deserve any of this. So young, so happy, so cheerful. Why couldn't it have been anyone else? Then the feeling of  helplessness sets in. Of  you not having been able to do anything. Of it not being in your hands to save her. The worst is the guilt. Of not being of any use to her parents, not even in support, cos' you had to return back to a different city to resume your life. Of not being able to resume your life anyway because while she is hanging on to dear life you can't think of returning back to normalcy, cos' it just doesn't feel right. But still having to resume cos' that's how it is. Wondering whether you could have done anything to save her. Wondering maybe if you'd been a little less involved in your own work, a little less happy, prayed a little more than what you did, bargained a little more with God to save her, maybe given up on your favorite food or fasted more or something, maybe it would have saved her. Then you blame God. How could he have done something like this to such a wonderful person like her? And why? Why her? Why not anyone else? Why were you given the chance to live while she was not? What set her apart? Rapists and murderers live donkey's years, while people like her live such short life spans. That makes you question the very existence of God. And there's no answer or solution to that either.

In the end you cry, you look at her photo with you and you cry, you reminisce a memory of her and you cry, and when no more tears come out, you sleep, hoping this was all just a bad dream, and you'd wake up and she'd still be there.When you wake up and that's not the case and the tears are on the verge of coming out, you know you can't keep doing this, you know you have to move on, even though it just doesn't feel right. You feel depressed, and when every time your friends try to cheer you up it feels wrong. You wonder if she's in a happy place, if she's in heaven, hoping she is if there's a heaven. You pray that her family gets the strength to deal with the situation. You feel guilty for not being with them. In the end, you wish you could find your happy place too, that she'd still be there and none of this would have happened. And you move on. Or at the least you try to. Because that's just how life is supposed to be.

On my 22nd b'day. One of our happier times together. Miss you Mallika.

Labels - Death of Individualism

It is so hard being a girl in a guy's world. You have no idea what all we have to go through. No am not going to talk about prejudices, gender biasing and feminism or worse - PMS. But what I am going to talk about is 'labeling'. Like being a girl wasn't enough, being labeled a tomboy is even worse! Why do you want to confuse us poor girls?

First and foremost, what constitutes a tomboy anyway? Who decides whether a girl is a tomboy or not? Oh so maybe some girls are adventurous, they like sports, hangout with guys, don't care about their looks, have no fashion sense, are a bit domineering, are generally manner-less, clueless about cleanliness, slightly sloppy, drink chilled beer at parties & crazy about football, so what? Whoever said a girl has to be neat, clean, pretty & decked up all the time, good at gossip, a good cook, a born fashionista, coy & shy, like everything pink, know all the cosmetic brands, a die-hard shopaholic and spend half her time & pocket money at parlors & spas getting expensive manicures and perms? Why can't a girl be a mix of both or neither? Whatever happened to individualism?

Ask any girl and am pretty sure she would say that she doesn't like being labeled a tomboy even if she wears t-shirts and jeans, doesn't do catwalk, likes playing & watching sports, wears sports shoes, sneakers & floaters instead of high (back breaking) heels, speaks her mind, doesn't know the meaning of coy and sits, walks and talks like a boy (in other people's words). The irony is guys feel the most comfortable hanging out with these very same girls and are generally best friends with them rather than with the 'stereotypical girl'. This is because they find them uncomplicated and quite like themselves. "She is easy to be friends with" is what most guys say. This is also what makes them label these girls as 'tomboys'. But when it comes to dating, the general consensus is, "oh her? well, she's more like my buddy. Rather more like myself (read guy), how can I date her?! Am sure she doesn't like guys. We are just best friends." Wow. Really wow.

And woe begone if your tomboy friend turns up dressed in a skirt, wearing makeup, with a fancy hairstyle and generally looking like..well a girl. How dare she?! Firstly, you wouldn't recognize her. When you finally do, you'd be shocked and loose your power of speech. And when you finally regain your speech & find your tongue you would start badgering her with questions like "what happened to you?! What have you done to yourself?! what is that hairstyle?! You in a skirt? Wait, is that makeup on your face? You are looking ridiculous! Go change. I can't be seen like this with you!" How nice. However, if the girl is lucky enough and the guy not blind enough, she'd be appreciated & complimented (See am not labeling you guys). But it is a rare case. Dear guys, and girls who think otherwise, a girl is a girl. Any girl, even if she generally prefers jeans over skirts, a natural look over makeup, shoes over heels, sports over gossip, and simplicity over complexity, she would still want to dress up once in a while and look pretty.

So why not let her be? Is it so hard to see her in a different light once in a while, and maybe just maybe, appreciate her and compliment her? Is it so hard to make her smile, to let her be happy, to let her be a girl without having to be confused about it? Why can't a girl retain her own unique qualities and be labeled an individual rather than say a tomboy, a blonde, dumb, pea brained etc. Am using the same terms that people generally use to stereotype, nothing new about it. Why label her and stereotype her? Why make her loose her confidence & ruin her life? Let her be. Let her be happy in her individuality. Let her be just a 'girl'.

In the shadows

People pass by without a glance. Some see me, and yet they don't see me. Some see through me. Some walk around in their own world. It's as if am not really there. I look at these people and try to guess their stories. That's my favorite pastime. Is she happy or sad? Is he having an affair? Is she thinking about her future child? Are they lovers or friends? Oh what an obnoxious kid, his mother should teach him some manners! Did his girlfriend just ditch him? Poor kid, he's an orphan, must be missing his parents. How did he lose all his money and become a drunkard? Was she abused by her husband?
So many stories. Some happy, some sad. Some that stay with me, while others are meant to be forgotten. Some I want to know more about, while others I wish I'd never seen or thought of. Some that make me smile, while others are so touching they bring tears to my eyes. Some that make me angry enough to want to do something about it and others that are normal enough to not warrant any reaction from me. I remain at my place, unnoticed by people, and I see many things. I have seen lover's tiff, friends quarrel, enemies fight. I have also seen lovers kiss, kids playing, friends laughing together and sharing jokes and happy moments with each other, families enjoying quality time, people saying goodbye, birthday parties and marriages. I have seen people being robbed, and people robbing others. I have seen murders happening, pranks being played and people being kind and helpful to each other. This is what I do. I watch things, I assimilate, I keep quiet about them, I understand, I think and I learn from them. I am the flower on the wall. You know me better as the wallflower.

The Ideal World

Sleep comes very rarely to me nowadays, but when it does, it feels like a retribution; a deliverance. I lie there, breathing heavily, in a state of half sleep; not sleeping, yet not fully awake; still trying to grasp the remnants of my dream, the one that made me happy, but not being able to remember. I lie there turning restlessly, eyes half closed, clinging to the last dregs of sleep, not wanting to wake up, relishing my last few moments of peace. I turn on my sides, with my arms stretched over him, only to meet thin air. That's when am jolted awake, by the heart wrenching physical pain, the mental realization of not having him near me. This realization shatters all dreams. I curl up in a fetal position, wanting to die, or at least go back to sleep. I could do anything to get out of this pain, to not face the day alone, anything to erase the memories, anything to not live this farce of a life. All I want to do is shut myself from everything and go to my happy place, the one where he's with me. But reality beckons, and so I have to wake up and go through the motions. Smile through my pain, to behave as if everything's normal, even though its far from the truth.

The truth is my world has shattered. My ideal world. Even saying it aloud makes me want to laugh in derision. The truth? There is no ideal world. Not for me, not for anyone else. It's just a make believe world that we have been deluding ourselves in to, to hide the fact that there's no such thing as constant happiness, the happily ever after. In an ideal world everyone would be happy. They'd be doing what they want to do, not caring what others think. They would be striving for exaltation, and not just living for the sake of living. But we know how that goes. In an ideal world there would be no crimes, no rapes, people wouldn't die of diseases, there would be no poverty, no wars, no jihad, no terrorism of any kind, no child abuse, no unemployment, no impoverishment. Every child would be educated, every child would have a chance to make something of themselves. Every person would have a chance to make choices and change their choices if they wish to, peer pressure be damned. Every person would find gainful employment and strive to better at it. Every person would find their one true love, their soul-mate, and there would be no divorces. There would be no political motives, no mind games. The ideal world would not be confused with utopia. 

In an ideal world, I'd be with him, and he'd be with me. In an ideal world, he'd be alive. We'd be ruling the world together, doing things we are so good at. All the responsibilities wouldn't just fall on my frail shoulders. We'd be making decisions together. I wouldn't be this lonely. In an ideal world, I'd be happy; we'd be happy. But, there is no ideal world. And so here I am, left to pick up the broken pieces of my life, to live whatever is left of it meaningfully, to try to go through the motions of life with conviction. I have to wake up, I have to live and I have to try and achieve this ideal world that every one talks about, that every one wants, but doesn't exist.

The invasion of the lyric killers!

Watched television recently? Or listened to the radio? If you have then you must now be humming the tune of  'you are my honey Bunny', or 'Chinta ta chita chita'. Whatever the hell it means. You my dear friend are witnessing and probably unknowingly aiding the invasion of the lyric killers. That's what I call them. They are those people, those composers who compose crap, package it in a catchy tune and let it loose on the innocent (or maybe stupid) public. This then starts a mass chain reaction. The innocent or possibly stupid public then decide that this is the best song of the century, sing it everywhere they go and make it difficult to live for the likes of me.

Kareena Kapoor gyrating to 'Fevicol Se'

People like me then have to live with listening to inane songs like 'you are my honey bunny toko toko'  or cheap ones like 'Chipkale saiyaan Fevicol se'. Do you know how hard that is? Wanting to punch someone singing such songs but not being able to? Very difficult. It makes me mad. It makes me want to tear my hair off. Rather tear your hair off. Okay, lets not get violent here. Keeping personal feelings aside, it makes me wonder what this generation has come to. Oh wait, my generation has come to. That's right. Am not some 40 + year old female going through a midlife crisis, blaming the world and the generation after me for everything that's wrong in my life. Nope. Am a young 23 year old female of the current 'hip and happening' generation, who is currently not very proud of her peers. With songs like these, anyone in their right mind wouldn't be.

But seriously, whats wrong with people nowadays? Whatever happened to writing songs that actually have lyrics in them as opposed to songs that just seem to be some random rhyming nonsensical sentences strung together? From songs like Ankho hi Ankho main, Naina Barse Rim Jhim, Yeh shaam mastaani and even recent ones like Dil toh pagal hai, Mohabatein, Suraj hua maddham, Alvida etc sung by the likes of Mohammed Rafi, Kishore Kumar, Lata Mangeshkar, Sonu nigam, Alka Yagnik, Shreya Ghoshal and composed/ written by greats like Lakshmikant Pyaarelal, Javed Akhtar, Jagjit singh, A R Rehman, Kishore Kumar etc to songs like 'Tera Pyar Hukka Bar', 'Sheila ki Jawani', 'Munni Badnaam hui', 'Billo Raani' etc, that's what the world has come to. I believe all these songs were written in a drunken state of stupor. There's no other explanation for it. After a melodious and glorious 80's the 90's brought with it a string of infamously memorable songs like choli ke peeche kya hai, tu tu tu tu tu tara, Nayak nahi Khalnayak hu main etc, and innumerable  other unbearable songs as well, which I am not going to take the pains of listing here. Point being, we thought the 90's was the worst period for Bollywood music, that is till the 2000's came. That's when all hell broke loose.

Katrina Kaif giving her thumkas in Chikni Chameli

 
We have had to live with the rickshawaala's favorite Himmesh Reshmiya's nasal songs, Atif Aslam's depressing songs, Anu Malik's really annoying songs, bad remixes of really good songs featuring Rakhi Sawant, and now Yo Yo Honey Singh glorifying rapes. Truly this generation has lived through it all.  It's like the return of the 90's but 3 times worse. Not just that, not only did all the above mentioned greats become widely popular among the general public, they actually became viral! Viral - Something that becomes popular through the process of Internet sharing, typically through video sharing websites, social media and email. Say's a lot about the current popular culture as a whole, and us in general, doesn't it? And sad to say Hollywood isn't any better in this regard. Justin Beiber, Rebecca Black, Psy, Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, One Direction. Need I say anymore? My Dad always used to complain about 'aaj kal ke gaane' , and I always used to disagree and argue with him. With great regret I have to say that I now completely agree with his views.

It's not that this generation has no taste for music. Yes, songs like Jalebi bai, pritam pyaare, aa ante amlapuram, halkat jawaani have gone viral, but then so have soulful songs like Pani da rang, khoya khoya chaand, kahaani, ekla chalo re, tere siva etc. We have great upcoming singers and composers like Amit Trivedi, Ram Sampath, Rashid ali, Sona Mohapatra, Jonita Gandhi. Yes I know you all like Katrina Kaif 's jhatkas in Chikni Chameli and Kareena Kapoor's thumkas in Halkat Jawaani, and so these songs are not going to stop any time soon. All am saying is lets bring out more songs like Paani Da Rang, Jeelein Zaraa, Saibo, Yaariyaan which not only make sense but also have great music. Here's hoping to a better 2013 with more sensible, melodious and soulful songs. Till then all we can do is wonder 'Why this, why this Kolaveri Di?'
 

 

P.S. As a response to my blog post, I was directed to this video by @teodranik on twitter - The honey bunny parody song. HILARIOUS! Definitely worth a watch.

 

P.P.S. And another response to this blog post by a friend, this time through whatsapp. I was advised to listen to this morning bhajan everyday .. enjoy :p